Inventory of Being

I am Zipporah

I don’t know my real age

Because I’ve always felt older than I am

But I look younger than I am

And that’s confusing.

I see in all shades of bright pink

I feel in deep dark shapes.

My eye color shifts with my mood

Which is often.

My legs are strong and powerful

I know this for a fact

Since my mom used to call me thunder thighs.

Laughing hurts

But crying hurts more

So I laugh harder 

But then I feel like I’m burping rocks

So I stop.

My dead loved ones

Visit me in my dreams

Sometimes on the street

Then the lonely leaves.

But the scab picks open.

I try to feel into me

There are too many doors

So I stand outside

Cold and alone

Looking at the doors.

My hair is short

I cut it real short

Free. 

My wigs are long

Play is fun.

I have two children

I lost another inside

I’d like to talk to it

But it’s the size of a dime

Or a quarter

They said a small egg

What does it matter

It’s dead.

My house is blue

Grass a beautiful green

I dig my feet

And catch blades between 

My toes

I lie facedown 

And inhale earth

I speak to worms

No one knows.

I like crystals

Clear water

Clear tissue boxes

Clear containers

And clear shower curtains

So I can see my killer

Like an Alfred Hitchcock

But not. 

I want to dip into 

A rainbow when I see one

I’m afraid if I run my hand 

Through the colors

I’ll disappear.

Sky high stilettos 

Turn me on.

I can eat a whole bag of twizzlers

Especially late at night

From a rest stop

After eating chocolate souffle 

And ice cream.

I’m a heath coach 

I say affirmations every day 

Repeat after me – 

I am in the best of health

Life agrees with me.

Until it doesn’t.

So I say more affirmations

I hope there are a lot more out there.

Red makes me anxious

And powerful

I spell my name with a Z

That feels powerful to me

Also, that’s how it’s spelled on 

My birth certificate.

I can go for 2 weeks without sleeping

Then complain I’m so tired.

Im always tired

Life is tiring

The dead rest.

It’s easier to visit them in my sleep

So why can’t I sleep?

September 7 2022