Writings shared by
Zipporah Thaler,
member of
The Mending Word
10 Part Series

My story starts with a sleepless night.

My brother Shia was living in my house, with my family; my husband and two little kids.

Shia was officially in a yeshiva program, but he really wasn’t, and I knew something wasn’t right.

And then one night he didn’t come home.

At midnight I called a friend to please call some guys he knew who were in with the crowd.

To please find my brother.

Minutes tick by excruciatingly slow

But so fast

How is it 3 am?

Phone calls and hours later he was accounted for.

He didn’t know I knew.

I had him watched and tracked until he walked through the front door just before daylight.

He’s not my son.

He’s not my child.

He’s not my responsibility.

I’m barely an adult with two children of my own.

I can’t do this.

My heart hurts.

My head hurts.

I can’t care for you.

I’m so sorry.

It’s too much for me.

You need to leave.

I’m hurting

You’re hurting

You’re hurting me

I’m hurting you.

You’re being irresponsible when you’re supposed to be working for my husband.

You’re hurting him

He hurts you.

You can’t work for him.

You need to go.

I’m in the way.

I call our father

He doesn’t listen

He blames me

He hurts me

I hurt him

so you go.

We all hurt.

And then one day you leave us all behind

For good

So far away

We’re still hurting.

The guilt

The grief

The pain

The relief.

Hurts.

Writings shared by Michal, member of
The Mending Word
10 Part Series

There once was a little girl named Michal. She had brown hair and blue eyes. She adored her parents and she was loved very much. When she was four years old, she did not have a bed yet, for her small home was filled with 11 children and 2 parents, so she shared her mommy's bed. But she was happy and never complained. One day, her mommy was in her bed, she was weak and sad, and had blue and green bottles, and no eyebrows, and she didn't come to her school plays anymore. Michal didn't remember how long it lasted for. All she remembered was jumping on her bed, her and her mommy's bed, and everyone yelling at her to stop. She was told to leave, she couldn't bother mommy anymore, for she was very sick. That day, a big black monster called fear, went into little michal’s heart and it stayed there. For a long time, after that, michal's mommy got better, and the cancer monster went away, never to come back. Michal grew up in a very loving home, filled with endless laughter and love, light and warmth. There was sadness and hardships in between, but home was always safe. Michal was spoiled by her parents, for she was the baby, and she knew that their love would never go away, and it would protect her from all monsters. Then, as michal was on the cusp of adulthood, the cancer monster came back in her mother’s bones. Michal told everyone that it was the good cancer, and it was okay. It was 4 years of struggle, but michal's mother never lost her hair, and she took that as a good sign. Then the monster moved swiftly from the bones and into her mothers liver, where it weakened her and took away all the light and warmth from michal's mothers eyes. A few weeks later, the monster went into her mommy's brain, and now michal was worried. She worried, and questioned, and yelled, and cried and begged, and held her mother close, but it was no use. Death came and took michal's mommy away from her arms. The world went dark. Nothing made sense. The big black fear that was nestled in michal's heart got bigger and swam to her arms, her legs, her stomach, her shoulders. It was everywhere. But michal still felt her mothers love. And she was grateful to have her father, who was very sick, but as long as he was alive, michal could still be a child. But death got greedy. It swept the cities, it took the young, the old, the innocent. Not two years after taking her mother, death swept michal's father in its arms, and closed his eyes, and though michal held on tightly, she was not strong enough, and so death whisked away her home, and burned her soul, and filled the clouds with rain and stole all the love that michal's parents gave her and vanished it, forever. And michal was left an orphan, and she searched for her parents everywhere. In the blue skies on a clear day and in the snowflakes that danced on her fingertips and in the flowers that she bought every Friday, but she couldn't find them anymore. And she took whatever she would keep from her home, but she couldn't take home with her, for the people who lived in it were gone now, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't bring home back. No matter how hard michal cried for her loss, there was no answer to heard. Only the black fear that remained in place of her soul. Michal was an adult and grew up very fast. She had bills to pay, and estates to manage, and wills to execute. But she didn't feel like an adult at all, any of the time. She still felt like that four year old girl who was yelled at for jumping on her mommy's bed. She was confused and sad most of the time, and just wanted to lay next to her mommy, in her bed, in her home, with her dad, and all of her 10 sisters and brothers, where she always belonged.

Writings shared by Sari, member of
The Mending Word
10 Part Series

Sara had twins,

Her mother was overjoyed

The fun was soon taken over by exhaustion, a rapid change of nurses and endless piles of laundry

But sara was taken care of by her parents

And her children were pampered and her husband was also cared for

And then the time came to move back home

And continue on her own, but she still had the support from her parents

One incident caused a fracture which showed the cancer had returned to her mother

And the fear crept up every once in a while

But the reassurance and naivete

That all would be good

Kept sara calm and life went back to normal

Until one day it got worse

And suddenly it wasn’t going to be ok

And just like that sara lost her mother

With no proper goodbye

But she had witnessed her die,

And had seen the fear in her mothers eyes

The last choke, the rolling of her eyes

And her cold clamp hands

Were in Sara’s nightmares for a while

Until time settled

And the grief was strong but it came in waves

But sara still had her father for now

What cancer didn’t take, Covid tried to

Sara’s father got sick,

He was no longer the same,

He was holding onto a thread,

Yet he still provided comfort and relief

To Sara’s new hardships

And then as swift as death took her mother,

It now took her father

And sara was left utterly weak,

Her support was gone

She no longer had her parents

Sara tried to continue to move on with her grief

But the nightmares kept on coming

And as time passed, it became her new reality

Sara has twins and another

Who are cared for now by just their father and grieving mother